Undecided
by smile1
Summary: KateSawyer one piece. Jack got to her before he could, grabbing her by the arm the way he had, only his hold on her had left behind fingerprints while Jack's didn't so much as make her skin glow.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own the series Lost or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

**A/N: **Just rounded off a very chaotic and stressful couple of weeks and it's only a month or two until the next one, but in between I do have some time to write, to write a lot hopefully, on both Fanfiction and Fiction, so I hope you'll be around for the ride. :)

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**Undecided**

_''I keep thinking about that little sparkle in your eyes; is it a light from the angels or your devil deep inside?''_

Kate's breath came out as a sharp gasp as she scrambled up into a sitting position, her eyes wild and unsettling within the pool of bed-shaken curls as they were flung upwards. ''God, Sawyer,'' she breathed, making instant sense of the figure that intimidatingly stood leaning over her. Her blankets were left forgotten in her lap as she brought both hands to her hair, hiding her trembling fingers as they slid through her locks. It took her a few seconds too long to take control of her breathing, but he had already known that she was scared. She hadn't been herself ever since she had had been captured and tied up for him to see. Sometimes he wished that they could just go back to the relationship they had before the island got to them, before they began treating each other like they didn't go through hell and everything better than that together, though he knew that they both still had soft spots for one and other. At least, he still did.

''What are you doing here?'' she finally asked, her hands falling back into her lap. She glimpsed at the pitch-black sky behind him. ''Why aren't you asleep, like the rest of the island?'' She rubbed her eyes, a gesture that he hadn't expected to touch him where it mattered. She had been right; she wasn't like any of the other girls, especially not like the ones he would run into back in his old life. He'd like to think that the island had changed him, though she could see that it wasn't for the better.

''I just want to have a friendly little chat, Freckles,'' he answered with a shrug, not taking the fear in her eyes as a sign.

''Now?''

He brought a finger up to his lips. ''Shhh, we don't wanna wake the whole camp, now do we?'' It was a warning and a promise at the same time. She would get off easy if she just worked with him, though somewhere inside it felt wrong, but on the other hand, she didn't think she would be able to take all of him in a fight. So, she just sat there, one of her freckled shoulders bare because of the strap that had slid down, though she had wrapped her arms around her stomach, trying to push the bad feeling she had back down.

''Now'', he began while lowering himself down to her level, ''all you have to do is give me back the guns and-''

''The guns?'' she asked, confused. ''I thought you had them?''

He unpleasantly chuckled. ''Playing dumb won't get you anywhere, sweetheart, so how about you be a good girl, come clean, show me where the guns are and we'll call it a day, well a night actually, but you get my point,'' he finished with a wink on the sly.

''I don't have the guns, Sawyer,'' she told him, scooting back just a little, not liking his set expression and fiery look. And for good reason; his hand flew forwards and snatched her arm. _He was fast._ She had always been afraid that she couldn't keep up. He started to lean into her, feigning a fall forwards. ''You swear you don't have 'em?''

''I don't have the damn guns, Sawyer,'' she repeated through gritted teeth, emphasizing her irritation with a twist of her wrist.

His hold on her tightened. ''But do you swear, Freckles?''

''If that's what you want.'' Her eyes slid passed his, like a match across the coarse sides of a matchbox, setting something off. ''Why would I take them? Why would I come to you for one?''

''To keep appearances up,'' came his quick reply.

An afflicted look passed over her face as quick and unnoticed as a shadow, and this time the twist was more sudden, nearly bringing him down. He had foreseen the rebellious act though, and her curls came tumbling down, the result of a rough pull at her wrist. ''You coverin' for anyone?''

She shook her head, hating the fact that her heartbeat had doubled its pace.

''You better not be lying to me.''

''Or what?'' She sounded brave, though her eyes dropped and gave away the act. She had to blink a few times to keep the tears from filling her eyes.

''Nothing really.'' He let her go. ''Nothing really big anyway.''

Her eyes shot upwards, watching a grin enfold on his face. ''What did you do?'' Her voice rose up in panic.

''You took something of mine, so I took something of yours.''

Her hands automatically went for the backpack beside her, though she already knew what he had taken.

''An eye for an eye, right?'' he remarked and got back up.

''I don't have the guns,'' she desperately tried to defend what she knew was already a lost case. It wasn't fair; he always had to take everything away from everyone just to get his way. She tipped up her head, her eyes wet, and they shimmered. It was a sight that made him regret what he had done, and unable to look at her for any longer, he turned his back to her. ''Do you want me to hate you?'' came her whispered inquiry.

''I could care less, sweetheart,'' were his hurtful parting words. He didn't mean them, yet he heard her choke back a sob as he left.

x-x-x

Kate was restless without her precious keepsake where she always kept it. Just knowing that it wasn't there drove her close to madness; her destinations were aimless and just as she figured out where she was going or what she was going to do, she changed her mind. The memories that the small toy plane was a metaphor for bubbled up throughout the day, making her fingers twitch with an urge to fight him for it, but halfway to his tent, she turned back around, not knowing what she was doing. Her hands went to her hair in uncertainty only to drop back down to the hem of her shirt. She fidgeted with it until all of a sudden she started to move again, the jungle her destination this time.

Sawyer eyed her from above the book he was supposed to be reading. The plane was burning a hole in his pocket, though he knew that it was really the guilt that he was feeling. He had contemplated giving it back to her, but each time he was about to come to a decision, he said to himself that it just wasn't the right time. And this time, he wasn't lying to himself. Jack got to her before he could, grabbing her by the arm the way he had, only his hold on her had left behind fingerprints while Jack's didn't so much as make her skin glow.

''I need to talk to you,'' Jack said in a soft but serious voice.

''About what?'' she asked the unnecessary question.

''You told him, didn't you?'' He lightly shook her, not knowing why he was doing it; it just felt like something he should be doing at the moment.

She sighed, tired of fighting on both sides. ''Why would you assume that, Jack?''

''I saw him going into your tent last night,'' he answered with a sigh of his own.

Her eyes flickered. ''You're spying on me now?''

''I wasn't spying. I was out for a walk-''

''While everyone else was asleep?'' she questioned him with narrowed eyes.

''Not everyone. He was awake, wasn't he?''

She avoided the judgmental look in his eyes, expecting something from her just because he didn't know her better. ''Don't worry,'' she said while pulling her arm free, knowing that she could. ''I kept your secret.''

''You didn't tell him?''

''No, Jack, I didn't tell him!'' she clarified.

''Good,'' was all he had to say, making her shake her head and cross her arms. ''Are we done here?''

Jack nodded, taking one last glimpse at her before she disappeared into the jungle. He didn't follow her; the last time he did, things didn't turn out for the better.

Sawyer did, though. He had planned on ending up deep in the jungle before running into her, but he was only a few strides in when he saw her. Sitting in the middle of a clearing, she looked lost between the many shades of green. She didn't hear him approach. ''What are you doing?'' he asked, cutting off the silence as abruptly as he could.

She flinched, visibly, though didn't turn. ''Waiting,'' she said, so calmly that it made him worry. Another step was taken towards her. ''For what?''

''For them to take me.''

''You know, I never pictured you as stupid,'' he said, angry at her irresponsible behavior. ''Just 'cause you don't know what to do don't mean that you should just give up.'' He reached over and pulled her up from the ground. His impassioned gaze bore into her empty one. ''I don't know you like this, Freckles.'' Something in her snapped and the tears made up for the nothing he had seen in her eyes before. ''I hate it here.''

''Well, welcome to the damn club, sweetheart; we all hate it here.''

She shook her head. ''No. I hate this. I hate being in the middle.'' She swiped the back of her hand across her face. ''I hate that Jack doesn't trust me and that you're blackmailing me just to be sure that you can trust me. It shouldn't be like this; I shouldn't have to be the one to choose. I never wanted any of it,'' she said through quivering lips.

''Life ain't exactly fair, hon.''

It wasn't what she wanted to her, it wasn't what she needed, so she started to move away from him, her hard shell crumbling with each step. She was falling apart in front of him and she hated it, though he loved it. It made him feel like someone needed him, like she needed him, even if it was just for one moment. His moves were quick as he brought her closer, drawing her up to his chest in a gentle manner. It was what she needed. Both knew for sure when she started to cry, leaving wet marks on his shirt. When her breathing had steadied he made a bigger gesture and said, ''You can have it back.''

It was the wrong thing to say because she broke away from him, angry for some reason. ''You can't be nice to me one time and then make me wanna hate you all of the other times, Sawyer. It doesn't work like that.'' She left, but he still felt her. He never seemed to do anything right when it came to her, though he knew that that's how he knew that what they had was real and not something set off by the island. That was what mattered.

x-x-x

That evening, Kate sat on the beach, her toes buried beneath the sand and wishing that she could do the same with her head. Her eyes were set somewhere on the horizon, just because she didn't want to see what was around her; there were sides everywhere and it just so happened that Sawyer's tent was on one side while Jack was on the other. She had never been good at choosing between the one and the other.

This time she did hear the footsteps and looked up, finding Sawyer looking down at her, though it wasn't something to be scared of this time. He threw something down at her feet and looked her in the eye. ''You better be worth it, sweetheart.'' She smiled, but didn't reach for the plane, not even when he had gone back to his side.

Jack was the next one to show up, though he held out a gun to her when he looked at her. She reached for it, but he lifted it up too high just before she could. ''You can have it, Kate,'' he made another promise, ''but only if you-''

''Choose your side,'' she finished for him.

''You need a gun, Kate; it's the only way for you to be safe on this island.''

She shook her head. ''I don't need your gun to keep me safe, Jack, or you for that matter.''

He didn't say anything and she swept up the small plane as he walked away, holding it up to her heart, no longer undecided. It had only been a matter of time before she had to choose a side, and it didn't seem fair to choose the one with all the guns while Sawyer didn't have any. She liked to believe that she had made the right decision. It seemed right.

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**Review please? (: **This piece was hastily written and instead of putting too much thought into everything, I just typed. I let my fingers do the talking for me. :) I'm not too disappointed, though I know that it isn't one of my best pieces. I just... Every time I see a scene including Kate and Sawyer that I just can't get out of my head, I have to do something with it on paper, so I hope that this one worked out okay. Please take a few more minutes to let me know what's on your mind. And if you see any mistakes, please point them out to me, seeing as my native language isn't English, it's only natural that I still have a lot to work on. :)


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